Do you ever get invited to something you feel like you should attend because it’s going to be significant? This has happened to me a few times in my life, whether it’s a particular party or performance or event. Last night was one of those times.
After rugby practice, our team was invited to a viewing of “The Rugby Player” about the life of Mark Bingham. For those of you who aren’t familiar with that name, Mark Bingham is one of the passengers on the 9/11 flight that crashed over Pennsylvania. The plane was most likely headed to a target in D.C. until the passengers took over the plane and sacrificed themselves to thwart the terrorists aboard.
Mark was also the product of a single mother, Alice, who tried her best to raise this rambunctious boy despite dire circumstances and extreme poverty. He was a gangly teen who found rugby in high school, and would go on to play for the national champion Cal Bears, as well as joining one of the first openly gay/inclusive teams in the country in his adulthood. He was a bridge between gay men who wanted to find a place in the traditional masculinity of sports and some of the toughest macho adult rugby players of California.
The bi-annual tournament that I attended two years ago in Manchester, England is named in his honor, and it has grown to become the second largest tournament in the world after the Rugby World Cup. It creates a brotherhood across nations who honor the legacy of a man who helped break down barriers first in himself, and then for others.
The movie made me extremely proud and emotional. Mark found a home with rugby, and a way to push his limits. I am proud to have found a sport in my adulthood that challenged me physically and socially to grow past the limits I previously had placed on myself.
I am also proud to have joined a team full of men who embraced me immediately at a time where I was new to this area and needed good friends. The Nashville Grizzlies taught me about rugby, but the also gave me a place to belong, a brotherhood, and eventually a way to give back to others who needed the same thing. They helped me become successful in a sport where I initially thought I had no place, seeing potential in me that I didn’t in myself. I will always be a Grizzly long after my playing career is over. I am so proud to be traveling to Australia to represent us in a month at the next Bingham Cup as I wind down my time as a player.
But there was more that struck me from the movie. I was shocked at how perfectly Mark’s life prepared him for his defining moments. Mark was first an ambassador for gay men that didn’t fit a stereotypical mold. He was rough and into heavy metal and a fraternity president and a college athlete. But with his decision to live openly, he challenged those with preconceived notions about what it meant to be gay. And his years of playing rugby in high school and college allowed him to help legitimize the San Francisco Fog within the rugby community as a whole through his previous connections. This paved the way for other gay/inclusive teams throughout the country to do the same thing within their communities.
Mark’s position in rugby also required a tenacity, fearlessness, and team-first mentality that I know helped prepare him for what eventually took his life. On that plane, after speaking with his mother via phone, he did the right thing and barreled head-first into danger to help others. His life had been a model of this outside the field as well, saving others from muggers or standing up for those who couldn’t do it for themselves. So when the time came, there was no hesitation – he was ready.
The same can be said for his mother, Alice. She has stepped into an advocate role, finding her voice to carry on Mark’s legacy after his death. She has fought for rights her son never experienced, and has become a symbol of the kind of loving and accepting family that every gay adult longs to experience. I heard her speak at the last Bingham Cup, and was lucky enough to meet her then.
She was at the movie last night, and I saw multiple people walk up to her afterwards and pour out their hearts. I saw her cry with a few, giving warm smiles and words of encouragement, and a big hug anyone who was willing. Her life prepared her to become a mother to a thousand sons who have needed her, and she has embraced her role literally and figuratively.
So at the end of the night, it left me asking what I’m being prepared for in the future. Will I be ready? Is my character being properly shaped? I can only hope to learn from the examples of Mark, Alice, and my fellow Grizzlies, and pray that when my number is called, I’ll charge in head-first.
My Name Means Light 